Getting Dads involved
A call out for Dads! My email and Facebook/Insta page is the domain of Mums. However- personal and professional experience tells me that getting Dads involved in counselling and therapeutic work has considerable benefits!
So Dads – here is your opportunity to play an important role in the emotional work of the family!
One of the things I find most rewarding as a counsellor are the sessions I run with both parents in attendance (I realise this is not always possible, however, zoom and the flexibility of working from home have made it much easier). The energy of two people faced with a challenge, who want to work together on strategies is powerful. Here are a few reasons why I suggest getting dads involved in counselling appointments.
Increased understanding. Learning about neurodiversity (and age-appropriate brain development) can help us understand what our children are going through. Understanding is the key to more compassionate and empathetic behaviours. As parents, we may not understand the impact that our behaviours and reactions have on our child or children.
Improving communication skills. Counselling is a great place to improve communication skills. Learning to communicate with a child who struggles with communication, language and/or emotion regulation is not easy. This is where learning about declarative language and the power of open-ended questions is helpful. Learning to listen is a hard skill to master – we are not taught it; it is harder than we think and most of us are not very good at it. Learning to slow down and listen takes practice and it is important that every member of a family can express their needs.
Counselling enhances emotional connections. Counselling aims to create positive and healthy connections between parents and between a child and their parents. Working on ways of expressing emotions and the simple things we can do to create a connection every day is powerful.
Stress reduction. Counselling is the perfect place to make plans to prioritise our mental health. Our children learn to regulate emotions through co-regulation – that is watching and interacting with safe, available adults around them. If we are feeling stressed and on edge as parents, it is difficult (if not impossible) to expect that we can help a child learn to regulate emotions.
Enhancing positive parenting skills. Counselling provides parents with the tools to refine their parenting techniques and to develop a nurturing and supportive relationship with their children. When a child feels safe and nurtured, they will behave in positive and nurturing ways (win!).
Modelling. Kids watch our every move. We are their first teacher (no pressure). When children see adults work on communication and problem-solving skills it encourages them to be more open in terms of asking for help and support themselves. Teaching kids to prioritise mental health and wellbeing is incredibly important.
Conflict-resolution. Counselling provides parents with new strategies to deal with conflict. We often become set in our ways and seek to resolve conflict using the same old strategies. It can take some time to realise that these do not work and may be detrimental (e.g., shouting).
Breaking intergenerational patterns. Counselling is a great place to explore the way we were parented, the things that we feel helped us in life and the things that may have had a negative impact. Remember, parenting practices change dramatically over a generation or two. We live in very different times to our parents, and this is likely to be reflected in the way we interact and parent our children.
Mum, please feel free to forward this to Dad! To learn more about my 1:1 counselling/parent education sessions (Dads are very welcome!) – please see COUNSELLING.