When to seek help

Why reach for professional support?

Let’s be frank – parenting a neurodivergent child (or children, given the large genetic component of these conditions) is hard! It can be stressful, anxiety provoking, and fraught with worry. Over time the effects of stress take a toll and we may have feelings of anxiety and depression we just cannot shift.

Difficulties we may face:  

  • Research consistently shows that parents of neurodiverse children have high levels of STRESS (and high levels of the stress hormone cortisol).

  • We are tired (neurodivergent kids are NOT easy to get in bed and they don’t tend to like staying there).

  • We are anxious about the future – how will our child fare in high school? How will they go in the work force?

  • We are tired of asking teachers for support/accommodations EVERY year.

  • We tend to be hypervigilant. The brain is wired for safety – and we often spend a lot of energy ensuring our kids are not doing something unsafe or impulsive (or just generally chaotic).

  • Our kids are often in “fight” or “flight” mode. They may be irritable, sensitive, anxious, and highly reactive (all the time). Often, getting our kids to do certain things feels like entering a battleground.

  • We may struggle financially – it is not just the cost of speech, psych, OT etc but also the time we take out of the workplace to juggle all of this.

  • We are worried about keeping up with work and career as well as juggling family, housework, cooking, cleaning, appointments and extra needs.

  • We are expected to help our kids regulate their emotions (co-regulation, I have written more about this here) yet we often struggle to regulate our own emotions.

  • We may be neurodiverse ourselves or have co-occurring mental health issues (or a history of trauma or addiction).

  • We tend to take on the role of executive functions for the entire family.

  • We are sad. Our kids are not bringing home awards and prizes. They are not winning at the swim carnival, they don’t want to do a speech at school, and they don’t get invited to many birthday parties.

  • We may feel judged.

It can be complex, overwhelming and draining to watch our children struggle and not be able to effectively help them. There is a huge link between our child’s emotions and our own mood (you are only as happy as your unhappiest child).

Neurodiverse conditions and associated behaviours are NOT caused by poor parenting or lack of discipline.  There is often support for the child but very little support for parents and caregivers. They say it takes a village, but this village often disperses fast if you have a child who is considered “difficult”. My worst parenting moments have come from a place of stress, overwhelm and anxiety – not from a place of feeling calm, supported, and heard.

Counselling with a professional who understands the complexities of parenting a neurodivergent child may provide some of the answers you are looking for. Our mental health does influence the way we parent. Neurodiverse kids don’t do particularly well with “talk therapy” – but their parents do!

This is where a counsellor or some one-on-one support can really help. Parents I work with are looking for; education, knowledge, empowerment, someone to listen, understanding and support. They are looking to gain a deeper understanding of their child and how to problem-solve and find strategies that are practical and work best for their family.

I am currently offering one-on-one sessions via zoom on Thursday, Friday or Saturday mornings. Please see here for further details if you would like to find out more.

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Prevention

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Polyvagal theory